Sometimes, I say mean things and I mean it. I say things that are unkind, spiteful or unfair. I don’t know why I just feel something and it needs to be said. I don’t always say it to be mean but more to share how I’m feeling yet I am aware how it is going to hurt the other person so I am being mean on purpose. Recently, it’s being too constant and the person I’m being mean to the most is myself. That sounds so narcissistic like all I care about myself but I don’t feel like anyone around me cares about me truly so I gotta care for myself you know. I don’t know how to and I don’t know where to turn. Trust me I’ve got a good board going on Pinterest about self-care and I’ve already tried all the methods on wikiHow but I still feel so empty and worthless. I know I’m meant to do something special with my life, I know I am more than ordinary and that I am worth something. I love my physical appearance even though there are changes I’d like I feel pretty. I am good but I have this endless need for perfection and seeing how others can do the things I can’t is slowly killing my insides. Usually, I would have just been like you want to do something? Go on then, plan, work for it and you will get it but right now I feel like giving up and just sleeping away. I want to feel needed and I know I have people who love me but for some reason, my mentality makes everyone close to me sound like a liar and I just leave them 10miles away. I want to run away just to see who would miss me and yeah I sound like all those depressing Tumblr posts but I feel it. I want to live extremely and not at all and I don’t know what to do about it. I’m not asking for help from therapy because I’ve been there and done that, now I just know what I’m doing as I do it but that doesn’t change anything. I don’t even know if I’m going to post this but I just want help but I don’t feel like I can trust anyone and that makes me hate everyone. I feel scared in this house and I want to leave but I also want it to get better. I just want to sleep till it gets better.
I have weak relationships with myself and with others and I don’t feel like I’m making an impact. I need to learn patience and things that matter like love and joy take time is a difficult journey. I want to share this on my blog because even though it is a negative thing and it’s sad to talk about I want to put it out there so anyone else who feels it can see that there are other people in the same boat. I’ve thought about suicide and quitting but I’m going to press continue and keep trying. I don’t know why I feel like my voice is important because I don’t think it is but I’m still posting it because this is my space and I want to share my feelings and my point right now. I miss myself and right now I don’t know who I am and what I’m doing. I’m gonna keep trying and I’m sorry this is long but if you can relate let me know your story and if you have any advice. I’m putting my trust in strangers apparently but I think my first move will be to turn my phone back on and call someone. No that seems a bit much, maybe I’ll just text someone.
build confidence. learn patience. learn the social skills and get a better balance between life and technology.
These feelings were brought out by a long sad day and a video This is Why You Don’t SUCCEED – One of the Best Motivational Speeches Ever by Video Advice also this is really unedited so I’m sorry if it’s a jumble but I am not re reading this not right now.