Hitting Reset

To whom this may concern,

I would like to apologise for @beeingShazeda being absent from blogging for the past two months (eesh). I’m sorry. I don’t have a good enough excuse. I just, would like to take this moment and let you know that I’m coming back… If you’ll have me.

Sincerely, Shazeda x

— a twist on absence notes

I guess the first step is to talk about how it slipped up. How I fell down this sad bloggerless void. So, um heyyyy, hiiii! If you don’t know already I am a little excited person but full of nerves, imagine a piñata you do not want to open. On good days I’m cute and fluffy and fun to be around but when life starts getting me down, then bad vibes pour out. I can literally sit and think myself into a bad mood. And when it came to blogging, I did just that.

I don’t want this to happen again, no more unexpected hiatus. I’m trying to think of the biggest issue and well, it was not prioritising blogging. I’m not too upset with myself for that because at the time I decided blogging will fall back behind anything else and I would only do it if I had time. Newsflash: I never had the time. Update; I plan on making time for blogging.

5 reasons for me to blog and why I’m pulled onwards even if I am afraid

  1. I enjoy blogging, it’s my favourite creative outlet because I can take aesthetic photos and share a story with people on the same wavelength
  2. I can only grow from it, even if no one else cares I like my blog and I am probably the person who reads it the most
  3. I can share my experiences to help others from making the same mistakes I did
  4. I have full control over my blog and I want to keep it like that for as long as possible. This means I have to put in a lot more work but I also get my input in every decision and learn to cater to my audience as a blog
  5. I need to learn to share myself more, not just with people close to me but to anyone. I want to get better at communicating because in real life if I’m having issues talking to someone, I’ll just sto- mid sentence and all

I need to stop being afraid all the time. I need to do this because I want to and I shall put myself forward at time because this is my life. If one day, everyone disappeared I want to make sure I’m happy with the one person I’d be left with (me). [advice from Billie Eilish]

some changes I’m making to my life

  • Waking up earlier – if I want more time then I need to give myself more waking hours to get it all done. I don’t mind losing some slumbering hours for blogging.
  • Eating well – which seems quite ridiculous but when I eat foods I probably shouldn’t, I give myself more hassle. I spend too much time in pain that I don’t concentrate 100% on a task and that’s not fair to me or anyone I’m with.
  • Take photos – I can get shy when it comes to taking photos because I’m afraid of what others will think of me taking photos and what I will think of the end product. I’m not going to force myself to get over this because it’s a big deal to me. I aim to take advantage of the moments when I feel brave and can do more.
  • Advice from a friend, I want to speak my heart – when I think someone has a pretty hat or voice I will let them know. Whether I fall in love with someone’s mannerisms or the night sky. I want to acknowledge my loves in life from people to perspectives. And maybe, it’ll help me fall in love with being alive.

I’m not sure on the meaning of life and I’m not sure about what matters but right now I’m listening to vertigo by Khalid, my room is sort of clean and even though I didn’t get a lot done today I know for sure, the future is warm toned.

The plan for posting is twice a week to start but I’m not too sure on the days maybe Thursday and Saturday? Maybe I’ll even be able to post 4x a week I’m not sure on the actual technicalities of it all. I just want to say hi, hello, I’m Shazeda! Thank you for reading. Do you like black and white photos lol I think they’re expressing my mood pretty well. I appreciate Lush and the belief in minimal packaging and plain aesthetic to let the product show through. Um random tidbit of the day I guess. I like soft toned bases with bold accents. I like the colour yellow, what’s your favourite colour? If you’re wondering why I cannot end this post well, please refer to the first paragraph.

Thankful, Shazeda 💛

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