I have destructive behaviour. By that I honestly mean I am destroying myself and anything good. I do it i think as a form of punishment, my biggest issue is avoidance and numbing, they work together to break me. In the moment I feel bad so I’ll do something like not let myself go out for the day, not eat/force myself to over eat or even like damage my skin. Bad stuff. Not good. Sad introduction but I do want to heal.

I need to have empathy for future Shazeda. She has to deal with the aftermath of every step, all the regret and hate and no more. Or at least less. I’m going to do some things that will make future Shazeda happy.

  • Stay away from gross things. Fake vibes ew not for me. Shout “Am i bothered?” Scream “NOPE THANK YOU NEXT” if need be but Leave. That. Situation.
  • Also, not loving and valuing the relationships of those who care about you is sad and should not be taken lightly. Apologise if you can, and appreciate for no particular reason. Pick a person and think good thoughts about them for 10mins. Whether you let it out as a text, call, doodle etc. is up to you but send some good vibes around. Let that be the energy that stays with you.
  • Catch up on the back flow work. One way or another it needs to come out and yes I mean it needs to leave your todo list even if it’s shit, as long as it’s done. Gross metaphor but seriously a gross habit that future you is being strangled with.
  • Pee WHEN YOU NEED TO pee I don’t understand why I do it but I will hold my pee and my bladder will get mad at me. Just pee when you can. Idk random but just v necessary to me.
  • When you have a feeling for better or worse it is an emotion you are going through. Do not dismiss it. Do not eradicate it. Give it 2mins and some appreciation to your heart, love yourself. Even when you’re feeling ashamed and especially when you’re feeling hostile.
  • Drink water. Do a face mask. Brush your teeth and use mouthwash. Make your bed. Eat a piece of fruit or carbs or whatever makes your tummy happy. Sleep regularly. All the basic levels of self care to remind your nervous system that we love you and support you and just want you to do your bestest and are here to help out in any say.

That’s all from me Bee! This is kind of very personal but I’ve been seeing some thing on anxiety and I don’t really know what exactly this is related to I’m not a doctor. But these destructive behaviours need to be replaced with love and help create a change that I don’t think is really talked about.

Do you have any of your own self destructive behaviours? Have you ever felt like even you were against you at some point? Let yourself breathe.

Love you. Shazeda.

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